Abhijeet
Explore Index

04 / the strange file

The stories that refuse a normal category.

An archive of bathroom audits, cosmic explanations, and a friendship that was apparently on probation for a full year.

Abhijeet in a kurta with his hands raised, looking nervous

Filed / 01

The Orientation Icebreaker (Gambier, August 2015)

My very first interaction with Abhijeet set the tone for the next decade plus. We were sitting in international student orientation doing the standard round-robin about culture shocks in America. Everyone was giving the polite, predictable answers: “Oh, the meal portions are enormous,” or “The cars are so big.” Abhijeet’s turn comes, he clears his throat, and completely deadpan drops: “The biggest shock for me is that people don’t use water to clean their butts after using the restrooms.” Day one, first meeting, immediate bathroom audit. Let me tell you, the icebreaker event ended after Abhijeet’s comment. I think the organizers were worried about Abhijeet imparting even more gems onto the larger group.

Filed / 02

The “Multiple Past Lives” Excuse

When our alumni group asked everyone what habits an ideal version of ourselves would adopt, most people said regular gym visits or getting eight hours of sleep. Abhijeet took an unprompted cosmic detour, announcing that he feels he has “lived multiple lives at this point”, his official philosophical justification for why he takes three weeks to reply to a family text.

Abhijeet looking alarmed at his phone in a city park

Filed / 03

The “I Didn’t Like You”

So, I’d say Abhijeet and I were pretty close to each other in our first year. We played cricket together, ran ISAK together, studied economics and math together. So, you can imagine my surprise when at the end of the year Abhijeet told me that throughout the year, he had “not been a big fan” of me. And he was telling me this right now because he had changed his mind? So, for all of you who think Abhijeet likes you: who knows, maybe he does not.

Back to index Home